


Don't Keep Love Around

by coda (odes)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friends With Benefits, M/M, atsumu getting scouted by a team in another country is something i pulled out of my ass, there was supposed to be an explicit scene but i suck at writing sexy stuff, very brief and vague mentions of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:36:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27426574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odes/pseuds/coda
Summary: Maybe it's selfish, keeping up this dance between them, this no-strings attached relationship when Kiyoomi knows how Atsumu's feelings are becoming anything but fleeting, but it's been a long time since he's been comfortable with someone to be himself, with no reservations. He indulges himself on the affection Atsumu gives, reminding himself not to get attached, to end it before it gets too deep.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 56
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	Don't Keep Love Around

**Author's Note:**

> Day 7: Goodbye
> 
> Title and inspiration for this fic is from Troye Sivan's song DKLA. I listened to it on loop all night and wrote this in an hour.
> 
> Also a birthday gift to Nichole, who I love with all my heart. Sorry this gift is kinda trash.

Sakusa Kiyoomi did not get attached to anyone. He didn't expect anyone to stay by his side no matter what—that would just be too idealistic. He knows, people come and people will go (eventually, they always will, always leave him behind). 

Miya Atsumu was the exact opposite. Despite the devil-may-care attitude he tries so hard to exude, he gets attached too quickly. He gives importance to the smallest of things, nicknames to each and every person. He loves too hard and needs it in return.

Atsumu kisses Kiyoomi like he's looking for something, anything, and Kiyoomi responds as fiercely, to hide the fact that he can't give anything Atsumu needs. Atsumu claws at his back, pulls at his hair, begs him to go faster, harder, rougher, when Kiyoomi knows he's actually asking him to go deeper, tender and loving. Kiyoomi fucks him into the mattress until he can't take it anymore. 

It's easy for Kiyoomi to feign ignorance of Atsumu's feelings—Atsumu doesn't say anything, so Kiyoomi doesn't comment. He knows, of course he knows; what Atsumu doesn't say, he shows. The setter looks at him too frequently, too long that his skin prickles with an unfamiliar heat. He calls out to him too often,  _Omi-kun_ , sometimes  _Omi-Omi_ if he really wants attention, and it's annoying but it's also  Atsumu and he never calls Kiyoomi by his actual name. Kiyoomi wouldn't want him to be anything else. 

Maybe it's selfish, keeping up this dance between them, this no-strings attached relationship when Kiyoomi knows how Atsumu's feelings are becoming anything but fleeting, but it's been a long time since he's been comfortable with someone to be himself, with no reservations. He indulges himself on the affection Atsumu gives, reminding himself not to get attached, to end it before it gets too deep.

But days turn into months, months pass until a whole year has gone and Atsumu still spends nights in Kiyoomi's apartment more often than not. He has clothes he keeps in a separate drawer (too disorganized), he has a toothbrush on the bathroom counter, he has his favorite action DVDs that are too loud, just like their owner kept under the TV. Atsumu softly kisses Kiyoomi goodbye on his forehead when he thinks Kiyoomi is asleep, leaves without a note because he knows Kiyoomi knows where he went and that he always comes back. 

Kiyoomi knows this is the definition of too deep, too far, but everytime he tries to break it off, Atsumu looks at him and his words get lodged in his throat. He thinks to himself, next time, I'll finally do it, as he moans out Atsumu's name, turn that uncomfortable feeling in his chest and in his gut into something he can understand and control, kiss Atsumu until all the words in his throat dissolve into pants and groans of pleasure.

It's so hard for him, but he shouldn't have been worried, in the end. It's Atsumu that has the words to end it all.

"I'm being scouted by a US team," he says, still trying to catch his breath as he lays by Kiyoomi's side.

"Oh," Kiyoomi replies with nonchalance, like his breath didn't hitch at the end of the statement, "and what did you say?"

"I told them I'd think about it." A rustle of sheets and Atsumu turns to his side to face Kiyoomi.

"What do you think, Omi-kun?" He asks, his voice lilting when he says Kiyoomi's nickname. 

Kiyoomi looks, to Atsumu's drawer in his room, looks at the open door of the bathroom, stares at the clothes strewn on the floor, anywhere but Atsumu's face as he says, "Why would it matter what I say? We're not anything more than friends."

The widening of Atsumu's eyes is clear even in Kiyoomi's peripheral. 

"Right, of course," he laughs, a bit emptily, Kiyoomi notices, "I just wanted to know if you think it's a good opportunity, is all."

He rolls away from Kiyoomi as he says this, back to his original position on the bed, looking up.

"I think it's a great idea."  _Leave. Leave now, before I get a chance to ask you to stay. Leave, like I knew you would._

Atsumu hums in acknowledgement.

"Won't you miss me a lot, though? You're probably gonna die without me on the team."

_I'll miss you so much my heart would break_.  "As if there's anything to miss, Miya."

And the both of them laugh to fill the void that's threatening to swallow them up—the sounds are a little broken but it's enough to fool themselves.

Atsumu reaches out to grasp at Kiyoomi's hand, and he doesn't protest. His palms are sweaty and his touch burns against Kiyoomi's hand, but for once, Kiyoomi doesn't let go.

In the morning, when Atsumu makes his way to the front door, Kiyoomi pulls him in and kisses him, softly, tenderly, lovingly. When they pull away, Atsumu whispers, "Goodbye, Kiyoomi," and Kiyoomi lets him go. It sounds more than just a goodbye.


End file.
